Somehow fate always makes sure some things remain constant in my world:

1.  Whenever I have free time I suddenly have more work, thus negating the free time.

2.  I never, ever bring enough water when I hit a bike trail. No matter how much I have, I want to drink more.

3.  If there is a hole, curb, or some other type of uneven terrain I will find it and I will roll my ankle.

And my favorite is one I enjoyed earlier this afternoon.

4.  Any time I buy condoms, I’m boxed in at the check-out by two old women and the cashier wants to be glib and say things like, “big plans for tonight?”

I mean, why does this happen? I do my best to be an adult, I’m not blushing and shifty-eyed when I pick out the ones I want. I also grabbed a gallon of milk and some hair gel. I pick the smallest line and lay my goods down on the conveyor belt.

Immediately the seventy year old woman, checkbook in hand, turns and surveys what I had placed behind her tub of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter (Do people realize that the stuff is nearly chemically identical to plastic?). She huffs a bit, turns to the cashier, a man slightly older than myself, and says: “I didn’t realize this store sold those.”

I remained silent, but if my father were there he would have warned me that my eyes were going to roll right out of my head.

A moment later a few bottles clank behind me. I turn to see a fine lady with a much shorter haircut than I, lay down a six pack of O’Douls and some candy. I smile, say hey. Her eyes dart up to me, to my purchase, then back. Her huff mirrors the old woman’s, who is now finally leaving after recommending that the cashier restock the stuffing in a different isle.

Finally its my turn.

I smile at the guy, give my non-committal “how’s it going?” and proceed to pull my membership card out from my wallet. He replies with an equally non-committal, “good how’re you?”

“Pretty good,” I said, still digging into my wallet, only looking up when he says, “Yeah I bet it is going good, huh?”

Guess what he’s holding? Not my gallon of milk.

Really people?